A CASTLE CALLED AWESOME: Music Margarita - Remix Bag of Computer Beats

tr.v. re·mixed, re·mix·ing, re·mix·es
To recombine (audio tracks or channels from a recording) to produce a new or modified audio recording. Sometimes Good. Sometimes Bad. And sometimes Ugly.

On the day which we heard the release of Q.G.'s remix for the new Justice track, Civilization, I've decided to write up a list of my favourite, and not so favourite remixes. (Consider the aforementioned remix on the "Ugly" list and let's never speak of it again.)

THE UGLY

The Flairs - Truckers Delight (Alixander III Remix)

Hey I've got a good idea, let's give Brett Ratner (X-men 3, Rush Hour) the opportunity to re-make Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back. How do you think that would turn out? Probably no where near as bad the remix to this amazing track by The Flairs. I know my compadres may feel the Alex Gopher remix falls under this category too, but it doesn't. Sorry, the Alex Gopher mix isn't good, neither is it bad, nor ugly. Thankfully we can all agree two things. The original track is marvelous, and this Alixander III remix is downright fucking awful.

Uffie ft. Pharrell - A.D.D. S.U.V. (Carte Blanche Remix)

I have to put this track into the list. The original, was at best, a slight novelty. I somewhat liked it, but I think we all agree it was a fleeting moment. During that time in which I was aroused by the thought of Uffie singing this to me as she stands over me naked, I grabbed a hold of (yes, and that) this remix. Carte Blanche was still reaping the rewards of Gare Du Nord, and I simply thought, why yes, of course this should be good.

I listened to it once, and never again. I asked a friend did you hear the ADD SUV remix? Response: "Yep." That was it. Never to be talked of, never to be heard of, again.

Boys Noize - Kontact Me (Beataucue Remix)

This particular track wasn't a huge disappointment for me or the music community. It comes on a release which also contains many solid remixes, one of which is featured in "The Good" category.
Alas, this original track is very popular among listeners and had a lot of potential to become something great.

SPOILER ALERT, it's not.

It's under produced, and quite frankly under loved. I imagine Beataucue left this till last minute until they woke up on deadline day, with a massive hangover and immediately did a morning shit. Which resulted in this very ugly remix.

D.I.M. & TAI - Lyposuct (Noob Remix)

Blah Blah Blah. The only word I can think of when I listen to this remix. Possibly another case of, "How the fuck do you remix this track". Frankly, I just don't care about this remix, I just don't care at all.

THE BAD

Scissor Sisters - Invisible Light (Boys Noize Remix)

Sorry, but no one is safe. Boys Noize, you may be one of the best in the business, producing and remixing, which is why I probably expect a lot more from you. While I wouldn't say this is anywhere close to being "Ugly", it is unfortunately a disappointment. A disappointment I still listen to, from time to time. I'm left only to think that this remix was produced while Alex Ridha was on the road, at least I hope there is an excuse to this one.

Boys Noize - Yeah (Remixes by ANYONE)

No, "anyone" isn't a new DJ, and if it was, that's a shit name. 'Yeah' remixes fall into the bad remix category for strange reasons. Mainly because I think this track is cursed. Not the original track, which is fantasitc, but anything another artist does to remix or reincorporate it. Yes, Will.I.Am I'm looking at you. Setting the record straight, Will.I.Am doesn't contribute to this mess of an entry, because he didn't even bother to remix it, but the St. Beethoven, 2ToneDisco and AC Slater versions showed a common trend. This track is barely able to be remixed. I will give AC Slater a bit more credit than the rest, but none the less, 'Yeah' still sounds like 'Yeah', remixed or not, so just don't bother.

Chromeo - Night by Night (Siriusmo Remix)

Now you understand, no one is safe, and I know I'm going to be crucified for this particular entry.

Guess What - I LIKE NIGHT BY NIGHT, but this remix goes a little bit backwards before releasing a solid drop. Too little to late I say. Chromeo is awful at the best of times, and just because I like this track, doesn't mean I'm going to listen to thier album or see them live (*cough*again*cough*).

THE GOOD

Chromeo - Night by Night (Siriusmo Remix) (Boys Noize Edit)

Wait... What? Didn't I just do this one? Yes, that picture on the left is of the same two douchebags standing in front of that passed out gutterslut, and the orginal track is the same.... and the even the remix is the same. The difference is a re-edit. Now don't dismiss this because it's an edit. I'm pretty sure this track is only classed as an edit, because it's already been remixed. It sure sounds like Alex Ridha did a little more than editing.

Tiga - Shoes (Mr. Oizo Remix)

Ok, here it is folks. What I'm calling, the best remix of all time. WOAH! Don't jump so quickly. But I shall. Listen, this remix ticks all of the boxes, which is why it's classed as King.

Do I like the original? NO. I hate it. So much.
Is the remix better? YES. It's fucking amazing (Only until the 2:39 mark, thats when I pass out for some strange reason)
What about about other remixes of this track? WORSE THAN THE ORGINAL

Pfft, if it's so good, why doesn't the man himself cast away the original and only ever play this remix in his lives sets? HE DOES, STILL TO THIS DAY. I employ you to find a Tiga set online that features the original shoes and not this particular version.

The following need no explanation, the are all very good and deserve a listen.