Splendour person 1: "Okay, so, last year at SITG we noticed a large increase in southern cross tattoo toting bogans"
Splendour person 2: "Yes, I also noticed this trend. They also brought with them their teenie bopper girlfriends who only knew the music being played in popular nightclubs and on hot hits."
Splendour person 1: "I just had a brilliant thought! Let's put Grinspoon and the Hilltop Hoods on the line up... that'll be sure to keep the bogans happy! Aussie pride mutha fuckas!!"
Splendour person 2: "Yes yes yes! And we'll also get MGMT and Bloc Party to play to keep the girlfriends happy."
Splendour person 1: "Weren't they just here... like... a few months ago?"
Splendour person 2: "Yes, but they are just so popular. We need to milk this shit before they release a new album and become forgotten has beens."
Splendour person 1: "Excellent! Speaking of has beens, let's invite Josh Pyke and Little Birdy."
Splendour person 2: "And what about the traditional fans? The people who have been coming to splendour to see good music since its humble beginnings?"
Splendour person 1: "They can't be a flash in the pants, good today, popular tomorrow band because they won't turn over $200 plus for them... someone old, but actually good... who is around doing nothing at the moment?"
Splendour person 2: "Ahhum... Flaming Lips, Jane's Addiction and those old kooks The Specials are still kicking around."
Splendour person 1: "Perfect! A tick in all boxes, get them all!"
Splendour person 2: "What about the rest?"
Splendour person 1: "Do what we always do, grab NME, see who the British scene kids love, find whoever of them is around in July/August and stick them in. Invite a few random Aussie bands looking for a break and we're set!"
Splendour person 2: "Excellent, line up sorted."
Splendour person 1: "All too easy! We're going to make a fucking killing! har har haaar!"
Splendour person 2: "Indeed we are!"
Splendour person 1: "Cheeky blow job?"
Splendour person 2: "Love one..."
Confused? -http://www.splendourinthegrass.com/artists.php
So it's pretty puss... but we'll still all end up going. Fighting off bogans, dodging sniffer dogs, tripping balls, camping in the freezing fucking cold and a new activity, scab grabbing our empty cans - all part of the yearly ritual. I, like many other tragics, bogans, teenie boppers and general douches (see figure 1) will be trying to purchase tickets.
Figure 1: a general douche attending Splendour 2008 (courtesy of ABC)
Le Sigh.
Can i be splendour person 3?
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